DAD...i hope you can read this...

22nd january 2010...time 8.20pm...friday...
~~hihi...birthday countdown...yeh...1 more day left...wa...so fast...
~i don't know wat is the problem with my family...coz sometimes i think they are very good...sometimes very cruel...like my dad...i don't wat is wrong with him yesterday...yesterday when i at home...i saw my dad's face and i knew something is wrong with him...is very very wrong...but i don't know wat...i wish i can find out...i always think that i want to get coma again...like 10 years old...coma for about a week...coz i heard that when i was in coma...my dad regret...coz he almost lose me...if don't wake up at that time...i won't have the chance to life until so big...19 year old...i always felt that i'm a very lucky person...i want to get coma again coz i want my father to regret again...if not he won't know the things that he is wrong about...sometimes i felt that i don't understand my father character and attitude...like mom always said he is a good son...good brother...good friend...BUT not a good father and husband...so i think he is very USELESS...get my word...USELESS PERSON IN HIS LIFE...he don't believe his own wife and children instead he rather believe his friends...sister...brother...father....i don't to him...wat is family...he is always not at home...when i was in form 5...monday to friday he work from 8am-8pm...and sometimes OT until 9pm something only come back...so i only have 1/2 hour-1 hour to spend with him...then i went to bed...the same also with jason and mei mei...then sat or sun sometimes he go play golf...either day...after golf...got dinner with his friends...come back wat time???12am in the morning...got 1 time even worst...4 in the morning...see la....wat kind of father is he...he don't care about his family...he only care is to his friends and his family...not even us...actually i have very less times with us...he is also a type of person that can go out with his friends and left his family that is us at home...he did'nt care about our safety...but went he is at home...he will check and check and check the door...make sure it close...like he care people will come in to kill him...but when he goes out with his friends...did'nt see him care about our safety at home........see la....he always plan his own golf trip with his friend but he never thought to bring mom go...he go himself...when he plan the trip...he did not tell us one...he will only tell us 1 month or few weeks before he goes off...and sometimes he don't call home...although he go bring for trip during the chinese new year...but i think that is very less...sometimes during the sat or sun...he will go to thailand with his friends...he said is to entertain them wor...bull shit...wat to entertain...feed them ar...IDOIT...IDOIT...now i studying in college and will go home only the weekends...but he still sometimes not at home...i sometimes hardly see him...but he like don't care much...WAIT...one day...jason and mei mei will also be same...then he will felt it...that time when he regret...forget it la...is very very very very very x10000000 late already...he even don;t trust his own wife...MOM...i thinks that mum will eat him and take his money...please la...mom won;'t do that...when she buys her own stuff she use her own money...but when buy house things and 3 children things...then only she use his credit card...wat is the point mom take you money...the person that will take your money is other people...that is your friends and even your family la...i can't believe i will say that...YOU ARE A IDOIT AND USELESS PERSON...to me...i felt that 3 of us spend more time with than him...he did not feel it meh...to me...we are more closer to mom than him...he did not felt anything meh...although 3 of surname is EWE...but we are in mom stomach for 9 month...she carries us for 9 month...how does mom suffer...but when mom is giving birth to 3 of us...WHERE ARE YOU???at that time...mom needs you very much...but where are you???working...working...working...when mom is giving birth...you must be at her side...but no...just work only...just know how to work....so actually wat the point you get married???just to have children ah???if let this i rather don;t want to be your daughter...only mom daughter is enough...sometimes i will think that wat is the point i have a dad???if a dad like this...i rather don't want...............so wat???3 of us just have the surname EWE...only surname...we are still mom's children...precious ones...wat the point he get marries at the first time???To him...he is suitable to be alone...because he only trust his family...his frienda...not family...IF mom wants to get divorce...i agree...100% agree...and mark my word...i WILL follow her not you...although you thinks that you have money...MONEY...crazy thing...when i take money from you...takes me days to get it...but when others want to borrow from you...now they can get it...NOW...i'm so heartbroken...and so is mom...how come you don't realise it???i'm also very disappointed to you...you are also a FAILURE...FAIL as a father and husband...i think that if is mom met a good guy...i will agree mom to get remarried again...better than with you...i already tahan for a very time...and now i can't tahan already...HEARTBROKEN and DISAPOINTMENT............................

Grown Up Wishes...Hope will come true....

20th of January...Time 10.14pm...
back again.....
- at anywhere...i sees couples...holding hands...romantic...
- actually i wish that i can meet my prince soon...or maybe he already appear but i don't know...
- when my uncle and aunt ask or talk about married stuff...i always said i don't want to get married...Actually i LIED...i really hope that i will meet my prince...the guy that is good, kind, romantic, care about me, don't drink, don't smoke, don't gamble, always tells me the truth and lots more...BUT nowadays...if you wish to meet a very good guy is very hard...that why sometimes i got think of not to get married...coz i always think that guys likes me because of my family background....
- I WANT TO FIND THE PERSON THAT LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM!!!!!!!NOT BECAUSE OF MY FAMILY BACKGROUND!!!!!!!!!!!
- i know that is hard...but i'll wait that perfect guy comes...if not...i rather don't get married.....(THE TRUTH)...........
- i likes to watch romance movies...coz i always sees the perfect ending...that is the main male and female character will end up together and lives happily ever after...(but in real life...don't know have a not)...like the 连戏剧命中注定我爱你...the male character is very rich...and the female character is a normal girl...even王子变青蛙...the drama's are almost the same...Korean Drama also...all happy ending...that's why i like to watch romance movies.....neither movies nor drama...both my favorite...
It's late..i'll stop here...going to college tomorrow early...
THIS BLOG THAT I CREATE IS LIKE MY DIARY...I'LL WRITE MY FEELING AND DAILY THINGS THAT HAPPEN AROUND ME...AND I DID NOT LET ANYBODY KNOW ABOUT THIS...I JUST WANT SAY OUT MY FEELING SO I WILL FEEL BETTER...COZ SOMETIMES NOT EVERYTHING I CAN TELL OR TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS...EVEN MY MOM...THE PERSON THAT I TRUSTED MOST...SHE IS JUST LIKE MY SISTER...LOVE YOU,MOM...
IF ANYBODY CAN CRAKE THE PASSWORD...LUCKY YOU...YOU WILL KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME, MY FEELING...................................

Happy...

20th of january 2010...time 9.58pm...
haha...count down time... 3 more days to my birthday...ah.....so excited....
~yesterday i go out gurney with my best friend pei chiew...she belanja me eat dinner...THANK YOU...
(actually she asked me lots of time what i want for my birthday...and i said no neeed to buy me anything...but she insist to buy me something...therefore i said..."why don't you belanja me eat??"...)
~today i go out gurney again with my friend rebecca for movies...we go and watch the movie 'the spy next door'...and she belanja me watch...wa...and is Premier Class oh........the seat is very comfortable and big...and again another THANK YOU...
~i have a new camera...wa...i ask my dad to buy 1 la...
~i wish my this year's birthday will have surprise.......HOPE!!!!....Surprise....don't know wat but just want surprise....haha...i want a big change for my birthday this year.....19 year old already...wa..so fast...times really really is flying...my brother is 17 this year and my sis 12 this year...
~this year Chinese New Year...my family and i are going to Xi Aun,China...quite excited....but the weather is not that good...coz it will be very cool.......