17th June... Thursday... 11.10am... at KDU college library............
I'm starting to get tired of everything, especially from the adult. They don't have mind to think meh?? Why need to make a small matter to a big matter?? Everything have solution one, if we can compromise with each other. I also can't believe that a person change so fast, suka-suka then talk to you, suka-suka then don't want talk to you, adult already, and also a mum, can't think one meh?? Need your help find you, no need you help, just don't bother to talk or smile to you, even your son also, saw an adult don't know how to call, no manners, your son attitude is very irritating, don't know who to teach, good mood, can play, talk and stuff, if no mood, just get angry and simply hit things, CRAZY one. You think you son is who?? When my sis call him and wanna talk to him, he just ignore her. WHAT THE HELL?? Don't know what type of an adult are you. Don't know how to think. Use your brain. Don't like just tell la, no need let this de ma, who you think you are, the leader?? Queen?? Everything you say must follow?? No good moon is your problem, don't put on others, others also have feeling one, not only you got, if you 不爽, tell la, no need to write the post, no need to show your character and attitude one, or you jealous about something, say it out. Getting very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very tired and tired. Let stop about these. Write about yesterday class. Well, yesterday is the last class of food production 2, had a great time with them. My leader was the one of the twins, min qiao, he ask me to help do his dessert, named 'Queen of Pudding', is a type of baked pudding, topped with meringue. I was prepare to do these, and in the last minute, chef mixed up their menu, so have to change everything, so I'm s doing min chu's dessert, 'Baked Cream Caramel'. It is so funny and weird that chef can mixed up their menu. Then R is helping me to do dessert, then i decide to do in pastry kitchen, is easier because i need to use the oven, but she say she don't want. But end up, don't know why, she say do in pastry kitchen, then i ma say ok lo. When i walk in the pastry kitchen, chef saw me then call me, 'dianne', then i ma look up and see him smiling, then i smile back to him. We first get every ingredient prepared, then she say she scare to do the caramel, so i do and she do the custard. The weird thing is that when i ask chef question, he will smile at me first then answer them, but when she ask, he like don't want to answer. WEIRD. In the pastry kitchen, when he see me, he sure wants to bully me, or either smile at me. Don't know why. Even R also says that, she noticed that when he was talking to me or i'm asking him questions, he sure got smile, but she, he did not give a smile. Another WEIRD. Like when i'm around, his face sure got smile, because of these smiles, R is very jealous of me again. He keep on smiling at me yesterday. WEIRD, WEIRD and WEIRD. I can't find a thing to garnish on the cream caramel, i only can only find mint leaf, so no choice, have to use mint leaf, then when i open the chiller, i saw strawberry, then i asked him the strawberry and use or not, then he say is another chef's one, so cannot take. Then i help me find a tin Peach to garnish, because is the same color, so i say nevermind. Who know, suddenly R was taking a curl caramel and show me in the production kitchen, then i asked her where she get them from and she say chef do one, she told me he said that before serving on put on top for garnish. I was shocked why he do this, because the class he was teaching did not teach these, he purpose do one, but i did not think of anything. But after class, R call me and we talk. Then she told me that chef was nice to me today and i say not only me, others also got like Janette and Kristen. Then she say, 'Janette-cute, Kristen-pretty and me, smart, she cannot compete with us'. Then i was laughing, then i ask her that is it because i was saying i have nothing to garnish, therefore he wants to helping me, so he did that. Then she say, ya. I was a bit shocked. Haiz, no use one, my heart was close, i'm like some kind of cold blood people. Thanks to someone. R keep on saying that when chef see me, he sure smile, but her, none, so jealousy happen lo. That all for now. The time end my diary is 12.01pm. LUNCH TIME.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
16th... continue with the 15th...
11.22am....
I'm still writing, this is because i don't write for sometime already and everything happen quite sudden. I cannot say out, so i have to write out to feel better. Talk about yesterday's things. Thinking....... She was crazy la, no reason just beat me. CRAZY. Actually everything happen because of her, how she think she is, start everything, then now want to end, no solution, ask advice, give advice, say crazy, say she is sad, feel disappointed, feel emo, everything is her problem, then no mood, ah, and always likes to say she no mood, blar blar blar, then can simply hit people la. CRAZY. She yesterday don't know hit me for how many time, is her problem la. Yesterday bakery class everything i do myself, where the rest go, the twins go out, she go buy drinks with N, go until don't know when to come back, then when come back, take my note and copy, then ask this ask that. The time when she is not around, chef got teaches some things, but i don't want to tell her, why must i tell??? If she really care, she should be around listening and doing. Then she say, oh, everything you do, chef notice u. What does she meant?? I have the feeling she likes him. 三心两义. Not need to say others la, actually she also same one. Sure chef got notice me la, i'm the one who do everything, asking for things when i don't know, ask for advice when don't understand, if not i do, who take care of our product??? Then she hit me, CRAZY. I pay so much money to learn and ask if don't understand, the course cost RM33K la, not cheap. Actually i should not listen what she say, she is very bossy and fussy and 麻烦 and also trouble maker and problem maker, a lot la, to me, i only see her negative side, cannot see her positive side. Before the singapore trip and after the trip, i don't know why, i felt that she become a person that i don't know already. Before there is nothing, but after come back from the trip, all her negative side like come out, sometimes i really really really hate her. I even sometimes felt that i tu lan her, getting very tired la. Later some more with her do pudding, haiz, can change others ar?? 烦啊, 烦啊, 烦啊, 烦啊, 烦啊, 啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊............ going to cray soon, she not mood can simply hit people de meh?? who she think she is??? very pek chek... hate the world... hate everything... hate all... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... Some more say BFF, to her only, to me no, only friend. A better saying, Good Friend. No forever. No way. Impossible. I feel better now. that all for now. the time now is 11.54am.
I'm still writing, this is because i don't write for sometime already and everything happen quite sudden. I cannot say out, so i have to write out to feel better. Talk about yesterday's things. Thinking....... She was crazy la, no reason just beat me. CRAZY. Actually everything happen because of her, how she think she is, start everything, then now want to end, no solution, ask advice, give advice, say crazy, say she is sad, feel disappointed, feel emo, everything is her problem, then no mood, ah, and always likes to say she no mood, blar blar blar, then can simply hit people la. CRAZY. She yesterday don't know hit me for how many time, is her problem la. Yesterday bakery class everything i do myself, where the rest go, the twins go out, she go buy drinks with N, go until don't know when to come back, then when come back, take my note and copy, then ask this ask that. The time when she is not around, chef got teaches some things, but i don't want to tell her, why must i tell??? If she really care, she should be around listening and doing. Then she say, oh, everything you do, chef notice u. What does she meant?? I have the feeling she likes him. 三心两义. Not need to say others la, actually she also same one. Sure chef got notice me la, i'm the one who do everything, asking for things when i don't know, ask for advice when don't understand, if not i do, who take care of our product??? Then she hit me, CRAZY. I pay so much money to learn and ask if don't understand, the course cost RM33K la, not cheap. Actually i should not listen what she say, she is very bossy and fussy and 麻烦 and also trouble maker and problem maker, a lot la, to me, i only see her negative side, cannot see her positive side. Before the singapore trip and after the trip, i don't know why, i felt that she become a person that i don't know already. Before there is nothing, but after come back from the trip, all her negative side like come out, sometimes i really really really hate her. I even sometimes felt that i tu lan her, getting very tired la. Later some more with her do pudding, haiz, can change others ar?? 烦啊, 烦啊, 烦啊, 烦啊, 烦啊, 啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊............ going to cray soon, she not mood can simply hit people de meh?? who she think she is??? very pek chek... hate the world... hate everything... hate all... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... hate... Some more say BFF, to her only, to me no, only friend. A better saying, Good Friend. No forever. No way. Impossible. I feel better now. that all for now. the time now is 11.54am.
15th...
16th June... wed... 10.45am......
I'm so frustrated these days, especially with someone. The things that non of my business also can become my business, so geram, very hate it but i can't say a thing because i'm always the good and kind person, so i keep everything in my heart. I'm also a person with feeling, but someone always just don't care, hate it. A person, or call as R, got lots and lots of problem. After this then that, after that then this, so tired with her nowadays. Now i know that the words she said was always not true, so from now on, i'll not believe a word she say anymore. Lie-er. At the begining, she likes a guy, but this guy likes another girl after his ex-girlfriend, then who know a friend, call as N, also like the same guy, what the... so N told R, the R like very sad, because she also fallen for the same guy. Then R told me, then i told her that if she really like him, go tell him the truth lo, but she don't want because of her size. Who said that a FAT person does not deserved a true love??? Everyone deserved to have a guy or girl. Then later come her admire, a chef, call D. When she does not sees D around, she will feel disappointed. What the... again. So what, if want to see him, go find him la. Then now come another one, also a chef, teaches me bakery, call him as Z. She usually got sms with him, but if he did not reply her, she say she feel sad, STUPID. Then yesterday she say she will be crazy, actually everything she started it first, problem maker. So now she got 3 guy in her mind. Again she say that she likes Z, but cannot let go of the guy, S. Sometimes i felt that help her also no used, she always say cannot forget la, cannot give up la, blar blar blar, then also she today no mood la, that day no mood la, always emo la, HELLO, you pay so much money to come study one, not to like or felt or admire a person one. WASTE MONEY. Don's affect me la, i come to study one, not like u one. That is why i don't want to have that feeling, like someone, admire someone, sms nonsense with someone, i knew that if i do like this, will end up like her, so if someone really want to pikat me, i will say let be friend, easier and better, like this less problem will occur, if someone really like me one, i will ask them to wait to i graduate. Thanks to my dad, my heart already become cold and will not trust men. I always sees that my dad always treat my mum invisible, even my mum sick also i'm the one who always at her side, even my mum was giving to 3 of us, where was him??? To him, working is important then family, ok lo, if anything happen, u don't regret, and i believe that when he regret, everything is too late. As a daughter, i love my dad, but as a women, i hate this kind of men. Then is why when people ask me why i don't want to have bf, i say i don't trust men anymore, even when people say will u get married, my answer is always no, although sometimes i got think of that question. Another reason why i don't want to have bf is because of my stupid and selfish family background, and my mind always says that men will pikat me is because of my background, i think i watch too much movies, end up cheat by them. That is why i don't say about my family, if got ask only i say. So in conclusion, my heart already become cold, so i will not accept anyone, only friends will do. EASIER.
I'm so frustrated these days, especially with someone. The things that non of my business also can become my business, so geram, very hate it but i can't say a thing because i'm always the good and kind person, so i keep everything in my heart. I'm also a person with feeling, but someone always just don't care, hate it. A person, or call as R, got lots and lots of problem. After this then that, after that then this, so tired with her nowadays. Now i know that the words she said was always not true, so from now on, i'll not believe a word she say anymore. Lie-er. At the begining, she likes a guy, but this guy likes another girl after his ex-girlfriend, then who know a friend, call as N, also like the same guy, what the... so N told R, the R like very sad, because she also fallen for the same guy. Then R told me, then i told her that if she really like him, go tell him the truth lo, but she don't want because of her size. Who said that a FAT person does not deserved a true love??? Everyone deserved to have a guy or girl. Then later come her admire, a chef, call D. When she does not sees D around, she will feel disappointed. What the... again. So what, if want to see him, go find him la. Then now come another one, also a chef, teaches me bakery, call him as Z. She usually got sms with him, but if he did not reply her, she say she feel sad, STUPID. Then yesterday she say she will be crazy, actually everything she started it first, problem maker. So now she got 3 guy in her mind. Again she say that she likes Z, but cannot let go of the guy, S. Sometimes i felt that help her also no used, she always say cannot forget la, cannot give up la, blar blar blar, then also she today no mood la, that day no mood la, always emo la, HELLO, you pay so much money to come study one, not to like or felt or admire a person one. WASTE MONEY. Don's affect me la, i come to study one, not like u one. That is why i don't want to have that feeling, like someone, admire someone, sms nonsense with someone, i knew that if i do like this, will end up like her, so if someone really want to pikat me, i will say let be friend, easier and better, like this less problem will occur, if someone really like me one, i will ask them to wait to i graduate. Thanks to my dad, my heart already become cold and will not trust men. I always sees that my dad always treat my mum invisible, even my mum sick also i'm the one who always at her side, even my mum was giving to 3 of us, where was him??? To him, working is important then family, ok lo, if anything happen, u don't regret, and i believe that when he regret, everything is too late. As a daughter, i love my dad, but as a women, i hate this kind of men. Then is why when people ask me why i don't want to have bf, i say i don't trust men anymore, even when people say will u get married, my answer is always no, although sometimes i got think of that question. Another reason why i don't want to have bf is because of my stupid and selfish family background, and my mind always says that men will pikat me is because of my background, i think i watch too much movies, end up cheat by them. That is why i don't say about my family, if got ask only i say. So in conclusion, my heart already become cold, so i will not accept anyone, only friends will do. EASIER.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
14th...
8th of June...tuesday...11.04pm...
so fast already write until the 14th...time pass very fast...my bro had gone to russia for 12 days...so fun...at first i want to go de...but because i will skip class for 2 weeks...so don't want...but on monday night i bring jason to airport...i suddenly felt that i wants to go...so regret...if i know i will choose to go too...haiz...really stating to hate to go college and felt lazy...hardly have this feeling...hate the lecturer and chefs...hate aravin...actually from semester 1 starts...i don't like him...i had the feeling...i felt that i'm getting very tired...even felt that hating people around me...but normally i hardly show...i always laugh one...a cheerful person...i think i felt for someone...but not obvious...just R told me that i'm cute...haha...am i???...she that my reaction is very cute...because of that...most of course mates likes to play with me... actually i'm not...i just got the feeling that when i always sees him...i automatic will laugh...don't know why...is it i'm stating to fall for him???...i never had that...because a smile...means that i like someone...impossible...don't know la...my brain is stuck and slow these few days...ahhhhhhh...i always see article...that is when you fall for someone...the feeling is like this this and this...but the problem is i don't have those feeling leh...haiz...don't know la...maybe i watch too much drama...i always thought that rich person will not get their own happiness...most of the guy chase rich girls because of the family background...that is why i'm afraid and don't dare to find guy...i always had the thoughts until now...i'm afraid they will used me...is late already...sleeping time...11.48pm.....
so fast already write until the 14th...time pass very fast...my bro had gone to russia for 12 days...so fun...at first i want to go de...but because i will skip class for 2 weeks...so don't want...but on monday night i bring jason to airport...i suddenly felt that i wants to go...so regret...if i know i will choose to go too...haiz...really stating to hate to go college and felt lazy...hardly have this feeling...hate the lecturer and chefs...hate aravin...actually from semester 1 starts...i don't like him...i had the feeling...i felt that i'm getting very tired...even felt that hating people around me...but normally i hardly show...i always laugh one...a cheerful person...i think i felt for someone...but not obvious...just R told me that i'm cute...haha...am i???...she that my reaction is very cute...because of that...most of course mates likes to play with me... actually i'm not...i just got the feeling that when i always sees him...i automatic will laugh...don't know why...is it i'm stating to fall for him???...i never had that...because a smile...means that i like someone...impossible...don't know la...my brain is stuck and slow these few days...ahhhhhhh...i always see article...that is when you fall for someone...the feeling is like this this and this...but the problem is i don't have those feeling leh...haiz...don't know la...maybe i watch too much drama...i always thought that rich person will not get their own happiness...most of the guy chase rich girls because of the family background...that is why i'm afraid and don't dare to find guy...i always had the thoughts until now...i'm afraid they will used me...is late already...sleeping time...11.48pm.....
Monday, May 31, 2010
13th...
1st June...Tuesday...9.52am...........
wa...so fast almost 1/2 year gone already...so fast...see how time flies...actually last night i had written...but cannot be saved...so have to write again today...i really...really...really...hate staying at palazzo...at first i already told them that i want to stay my own...but they don't let...my dad keep on telling to stay at palazzo...i knew this will happened...that is why i don't want to stay there...like dungeon...no freedom...i have feeling that quite accurate at times...staying there very pressure...especially with grandpa around...late come back...complain...go early...complain...what i do always complain...stay in my room do my things also complain...complain why always 'hide' myself inside the room...if i'm outside...i don't know what to do...the channel he watch is not suitable for me...the show i watch not suitable for him...how leh???...that is why i always come to college early...is because i kam buan sleep less also don't want to stay there...but no will understand me de...always when R asked where am i...i always answer that i'm in college...then she will say me crazy...get to sleep don't want to sleep...if she was me...maybe she will understand everything...and also i always cannot sleep when at palazzo...but when i'm at home...i sleep like a pig...at palazzo usually i sleep late and wake up before alarm rings...but when at home...although alarm had rings lots of time...i also cannot wake up de...weird right???...nowadays i don't know what my grandpa is thinking...to me...i felt that he had change a lot since my grandma pass away...totally like changing to another person...when the 2 precious around...others are like invisible...but when both of them is not around...the others like suddenly become visible...crazy...when mummy's grandma (ah chor) pass away...we (D, J, S) cannot go pay respect de...she was still my elderly...n she also very sayang 3 of us...although we did not meet often...once in a blue moon...recently mmmuy's 3rd uncle pass away...they warned us that we cannot go to the funeral...what the hell...why cannot go...crazy man...but i don't care...i still follow mum to the funeral and send uncle to his 'new home'...J ans S did not follow so they stay at grandma taiping house...why they are so selfish???...even my grandpa's brother pass away...the grandchildren are not allow to go de...i felt very weird...why can't we go...also i don't care...i teman mum go...he is still my uncle ma...from july 2009 unil now...already gone a few person...not yet even 1 year...grandma, ah chor (taiping), grandpa taiping, 3rd pek gong (grandpa's brother) and now mum's 3rd uncle...all so fast and near...don't know who is next...(ei...don't simply say...nothing will happen anymore)...not i want to say...but is like the truth la...i'm really getting very tired and pissed off...mum always tell me that don't bother them...imagine that i'm like staying in a 6 star hotel...but sometimes cannot...hard la...because of them...i prefer not to stay there...i rather wake up early and come to college early...better...if not...no freedom at all...always after class...most of the friends will asked whether want to go out eat together...and my answer always is next time la...if i did not reach back there by the time...i'll get killed...i always says that...i also used to the word 'next time'...sometimes i wonder why god want me to born in this family???...i love my mum, jason and mei mei...but hate the family...i prefer to born in moderate family...maybe will be happier...better let this then in this family...rich and selfish and also kiam siap...cheapskate...HATE ALL OF THEM...i really don't know who is my grandpa anymore...i don't know what thing had given to him until he become let this...like a stranger to me...he only listens to his two daughter and the only son words...others he don't bother...like now...he wants to find a women which is in 50 i think to accompany him...no marriage will happened...hard to say...one month about 2-3 thousand something...before that he likes a girl...but guess the age???...is only 29...what the hell...Alex already 21 la...i'm already 19...can become my sister la...most of us disagree but because the only son say yes...he was so happy until he smile for the whole week...see la...when he knew that we disagree...he will show us the face for a week...see la...fare a not???...they think they are smart...they did not think far...now ok...if anything happened in future...he will putar balik to blame us...ah...like he will say why we did not disagree la...the nonsense...end up we kena marah for no reason...why my grandpa so listen to the only son's word...don't know what medicine had given to him...like he had been put in magic...everything we do hear is always wrong...they do is always right...sometimes they do nonsense also can become correct...what we do if right...all the things is always given to him...fare meh???...bad thing we take...good thing he take...but the things is done by someone else...not himself...i hope that 1 day...his precious son and daughter 被人绑架...then 撕票...get KILLED...then see la...wahahahahahahahahahahahaha..................then his car let people use coins and scratch...finally let go everything...free......1 word...爽...wa for about 1 hour...hand pain already...want to rest liao........11.30am...
wa...so fast almost 1/2 year gone already...so fast...see how time flies...actually last night i had written...but cannot be saved...so have to write again today...i really...really...really...hate staying at palazzo...at first i already told them that i want to stay my own...but they don't let...my dad keep on telling to stay at palazzo...i knew this will happened...that is why i don't want to stay there...like dungeon...no freedom...i have feeling that quite accurate at times...staying there very pressure...especially with grandpa around...late come back...complain...go early...complain...what i do always complain...stay in my room do my things also complain...complain why always 'hide' myself inside the room...if i'm outside...i don't know what to do...the channel he watch is not suitable for me...the show i watch not suitable for him...how leh???...that is why i always come to college early...is because i kam buan sleep less also don't want to stay there...but no will understand me de...always when R asked where am i...i always answer that i'm in college...then she will say me crazy...get to sleep don't want to sleep...if she was me...maybe she will understand everything...and also i always cannot sleep when at palazzo...but when i'm at home...i sleep like a pig...at palazzo usually i sleep late and wake up before alarm rings...but when at home...although alarm had rings lots of time...i also cannot wake up de...weird right???...nowadays i don't know what my grandpa is thinking...to me...i felt that he had change a lot since my grandma pass away...totally like changing to another person...when the 2 precious around...others are like invisible...but when both of them is not around...the others like suddenly become visible...crazy...when mummy's grandma (ah chor) pass away...we (D, J, S) cannot go pay respect de...she was still my elderly...n she also very sayang 3 of us...although we did not meet often...once in a blue moon...recently mmmuy's 3rd uncle pass away...they warned us that we cannot go to the funeral...what the hell...why cannot go...crazy man...but i don't care...i still follow mum to the funeral and send uncle to his 'new home'...J ans S did not follow so they stay at grandma taiping house...why they are so selfish???...even my grandpa's brother pass away...the grandchildren are not allow to go de...i felt very weird...why can't we go...also i don't care...i teman mum go...he is still my uncle ma...from july 2009 unil now...already gone a few person...not yet even 1 year...grandma, ah chor (taiping), grandpa taiping, 3rd pek gong (grandpa's brother) and now mum's 3rd uncle...all so fast and near...don't know who is next...(ei...don't simply say...nothing will happen anymore)...not i want to say...but is like the truth la...i'm really getting very tired and pissed off...mum always tell me that don't bother them...imagine that i'm like staying in a 6 star hotel...but sometimes cannot...hard la...because of them...i prefer not to stay there...i rather wake up early and come to college early...better...if not...no freedom at all...always after class...most of the friends will asked whether want to go out eat together...and my answer always is next time la...if i did not reach back there by the time...i'll get killed...i always says that...i also used to the word 'next time'...sometimes i wonder why god want me to born in this family???...i love my mum, jason and mei mei...but hate the family...i prefer to born in moderate family...maybe will be happier...better let this then in this family...rich and selfish and also kiam siap...cheapskate...HATE ALL OF THEM...i really don't know who is my grandpa anymore...i don't know what thing had given to him until he become let this...like a stranger to me...he only listens to his two daughter and the only son words...others he don't bother...like now...he wants to find a women which is in 50 i think to accompany him...no marriage will happened...hard to say...one month about 2-3 thousand something...before that he likes a girl...but guess the age???...is only 29...what the hell...Alex already 21 la...i'm already 19...can become my sister la...most of us disagree but because the only son say yes...he was so happy until he smile for the whole week...see la...when he knew that we disagree...he will show us the face for a week...see la...fare a not???...they think they are smart...they did not think far...now ok...if anything happened in future...he will putar balik to blame us...ah...like he will say why we did not disagree la...the nonsense...end up we kena marah for no reason...why my grandpa so listen to the only son's word...don't know what medicine had given to him...like he had been put in magic...everything we do hear is always wrong...they do is always right...sometimes they do nonsense also can become correct...what we do if right...all the things is always given to him...fare meh???...bad thing we take...good thing he take...but the things is done by someone else...not himself...i hope that 1 day...his precious son and daughter 被人绑架...then 撕票...get KILLED...then see la...wahahahahahahahahahahahaha..................then his car let people use coins and scratch...finally let go everything...free......1 word...爽...wa for about 1 hour...hand pain already...want to rest liao........11.30am...
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
12th......
27th May...thursday...1.12pm.........
these few days i'm been thinking that am i a visible or an invisible person???...don't know why i have these feeling these days...sometimes they talk, laugh and more with but sometimes no...some of them like totally ignore me...did i do wrong ah???...i'm trying to mixed around but if they continue act let this...how can mixed in leh???...so suffer for me...if i don't talk much...say i'm quite...i talked...say i'm talkative...when i'm at home...i can talk from a thing to nonsense...but at college...i can't...don't know...i guess i do care what people think about me...if keep on let this...i'll lose all my confident...go for seminar also no used...actually i have confident de...but don't know how i can lose them just a blink...haiz...don't know what to do la...had been a week i did not write...not free...buzy...assignments...night classes...i'll go crazy soon...like this tuesday...culinary arts and design class...doing painting and R didn't come to class...i was alone...and like i'm invisible...i'm just standing there and non of them see me (the group people)...i had broken my record...that is did not talk for more than 1 hour..."thumb up" for me...haha...don't know why my heart feel not good...like heartbroken...very sour feeling...why???...i'm trying to get my confident back now...but how???...is very hard la...my confident level left only i think 20%...haiz...write tonight...1.28pm...
these few days i'm been thinking that am i a visible or an invisible person???...don't know why i have these feeling these days...sometimes they talk, laugh and more with but sometimes no...some of them like totally ignore me...did i do wrong ah???...i'm trying to mixed around but if they continue act let this...how can mixed in leh???...so suffer for me...if i don't talk much...say i'm quite...i talked...say i'm talkative...when i'm at home...i can talk from a thing to nonsense...but at college...i can't...don't know...i guess i do care what people think about me...if keep on let this...i'll lose all my confident...go for seminar also no used...actually i have confident de...but don't know how i can lose them just a blink...haiz...don't know what to do la...had been a week i did not write...not free...buzy...assignments...night classes...i'll go crazy soon...like this tuesday...culinary arts and design class...doing painting and R didn't come to class...i was alone...and like i'm invisible...i'm just standing there and non of them see me (the group people)...i had broken my record...that is did not talk for more than 1 hour..."thumb up" for me...haha...don't know why my heart feel not good...like heartbroken...very sour feeling...why???...i'm trying to get my confident back now...but how???...is very hard la...my confident level left only i think 20%...haiz...write tonight...1.28pm...
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